Sorry For Being Absent

I’m sorry that I have not been posting lately. However, there are good reasons for that. One I am recovering from major surgery and trying to overcome my grief and sadness of losing my father the same week of my surgery and am now in the process of planning for his memorial service. But I thought that it was probably a good idea to pick myself up and get back to the world instead of hiding from it. This is why I am posting what I’m posting. It is about something that happened to me the morning that my father died. I have included the following in my father’s memorial service scroll that I’ve designed. I want as many people as possible to know about this experience.

God is There Even in Your Darkest Moments of Despair

forgivenThe experience I am about to share with you IS real, not a fantasy, and not a dream. It is something that I know God gave to me not to keep hidden to my myself, but to share with the world and so I share it with all of you now. It is something we all need to hear.

The past few years my husbands and my life have been filled with many trials to say the least and the recent passing of my father unexpectedly didn’t lighten the load. With his passing and an upcoming surgery, the morning of my father’s death found me pretty much gasping for air and feeling as if there was nothing but a void of darkness engulfing me. My family was exhausted after their experience at the hospital and understandably so and all fell asleep shortly after we returned home. However, no matter what, I couldn’t the sleep they so quickly found.

Instead, I lay in bed with my mind spinning and my heart aching and empty, feeling totally alone and not knowing what to do. I felt lost, sad, depressed and filled with despair. It was at that dark moment that I literally cried out to Jesus “My God, I need you. I need you now! I am too weak and broken and I cannot do this alone. I need you now, my God I need you!” In that very moment of my despair and crying out to God is when I felt myself being literally lifted out of my own body, I was not asleep, and I could actually see myself lying their on my side. In that same moment I also felt myself being cradled and caressed by two of the most intensely loving and caring arms. I felt as if I were being rocked in these loving arms and it was then that I knew that it was the arms of God that I was resting in. I have never in my life experienced such unconditional love, such mercy, such peace. I knew that at that very moment that I was being given a little glimpse of heaven. Once the immense peace had engulfed me replacing the despair I had just felt a few moments earlier, the phone rang and it was Kathy Harris, our choir director who immediately said “Oh honey I just heard. Do you need our help? What can I and the choir do for you?” I knew then that God was sending His angel armies to me and all I could do was whisper in response “Yes, yes, yes!”

I know now that this is a message that everyone needs to know. Know that God IS real, God IS alive and He IS all around us! He wants us to cry out to Him in our despair for His help, because He is waiting for us to acknowledge the truth of His existence. Don’t be afraid to let go of your pain, your troubles or your despair because the hand of God is there waiting to pull you out of the darkness! I know, for I have truly felt the hand of God! You don’t have to feel as if you have to do it alone! For you are NOT alone!

Remember that you are loved by the living God!

Romans 5:5 “Hope does not disappoint.”




2 responses to “Sorry For Being Absent


    • I can see just by the few words you have said here that there has been something tragic in your life that you have not been able to overcome and blame God. Before I go any further, I do apologize for not responding sooner, but my grief was a burden that I had to rise above before I could respond to you.

      From what I can see, you must believe that God exists otherwise you wouldn’t say that you hate my God. Therefore if you believe God exists you also must believe that Satan exists. You see you can’t have one without the other. The world is of Satan and all else is of God. So having free will, which God granted all of us, makes it very difficult for mere mortals to live in a world that is ruled by Satan. God does not rule the world in which we live and this is why it is not His will that we suffer. Satan will do all that he can to move us further and further away from God. That is his main goal. He hates the God he once served in heaven so much that he will do anything to take his children away from him. Satan isn’t called the “Great Liar” or “Great Deceiver” for nothing. He does everything in his power to make us believe we are not forgiven and that we are not loved or worthy of Gods love. It is because of our free will granted to us by God that we struggle often when we are being pushed and facing trials in our lives. Satan loves these opportunities to sneak in and try to impose his will and his beliefs on the unsuspecting soul. However, God would never force His will on any of us. He wants us to come willingly to Him, by our own choice.

      God never refuses to forgive anyone. What most of us have difficulty with is believing that we are forgiven. It is not God NOT forgiving us, it’s that we don’t believe it or we are listening to the whispers of Satan that we are not forgiven. It is we who choose to believe we are not forgiven. God never hides a thing from us either. It is we who fail to see His grace, mercy and love. We too often allow the world around us to influence us, to clutter up our minds so that we are unable to see what God has done. When our minds are so filled with the things of this world it can be difficult to see any of the good that does surround us.

      Something that a lot of people often overlook or forget is that God has never promised that our skies would always be blue and that our pathways would always be filled with flowers along the way. He has never promised us sunshine without rain, joy without sorrow nor peace without pain. One can not truly appreciate joy without experiencing sorrow nor can they recognize true peace without experiencing pain. However, what God has promised us is this, strength for the day, rest for those who labor, light to find your way, grace for all the trials, help from above, unfailing sympathy and His undying and unconditional love for eternity. All we have to do is accept it.

      It is not easy to live in this world and it can at times feel as if you are abandoned, even Jesus for a fraction of time felt abandoned on the cross. It was at the moment he realized that God had to turn away because of the ugliness of all the sins of man that His Son was taking upon himself. However, the moment He cried out in His own brokenness to His Father in heaven Christ then found that he truly had not been abandoned and found the peace in releasing His Spirit to God.

      I pray that you will find your place back with God and realize He does not want you to feel alone or abandoned, don’t give Satan that satisfaction.

      God Bless

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